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Your dad called into work sick before you did and he’s got the fake cough skills to prove it. He wasn’t about to waste 75 and sunny by hate filing TPS reports and subtly swearing at his shitty bosses. So, he conjured a cold for 5 minutes of contagious conversation that made his devil superiors believe he was hospital bound. Then, with a liberal coat of SPF applied by your mom, he enjoyed the weather each day he said he was under it.
So hipsters, next time you’re faking ill because you’re hung over and don’t want to apathetically fold t-shirts at American Apparel, remember this…
Your dad had an excuse for his tan after taking a sick day, what’s yours?
